Hell on Earth
by hooligans-holiday
Summary: A man opens the box and gets killed, so our fav Cenobites (plus the Wire Twins, who now work for Butterball) are stuck on the Earth. They thought they could solve the situation in a couple of days, but that idea was too optimistic. In the meanwhile, Pinhead has an hysteric OC girlfriend, Chatterer is in love, and Butterball likes pop singers. And someone will try to rescue them.
1. Chapter 1

**There are a few notes about the OC at the end of the chapter.**

xx

Eva couldn't stop staring at the hourglass on Female's desk. In that place time was different, and that weird hourglass could sign both "hours" and "days". She knew that it was two months since she became a Cenobite. But that wasn't really useful if she wanted to know how much time passed on the Earth. Actually, it was totally useless, since those who lived in Hell couldn't die or grow old, so why bothering and looking at it? And well...it wasn't like her parents were going to look for her. ANYWAY.  
Hell was definitely different from what she thought. No flames, no devils torturing damned souls...actually, it was something in between a labyrinth and a huge office. Definitely, it was the most ordered place on the Earth...even if that place _wasn't_ on the Earth. Their job consisted in sitting in their office waiting for someone to open the puzzle Box, then show the solver the ultimate pleasure, and then come back. Not exactly Eva's idea of fun, but she kept doing what they told her.  
Actually, she didn't know how it worked, since nobody opened the Box during all the time she spent there, as a member of the Order of the Gash. Pinhead's order. He was the only one to have his own room, but most of the time he was in the bigger room with the rest of his team.

That day, a Cenobite came to visit them. She was a fat woman with nails around her closed eyes, and she kept hitting herself with her cat o' nine tails while floating in mid-air. The other cenobites called her Sister Flagellum, and Female explained Eva that she was Leviathan's spokeswoman. And that Leviathan blessed her with eternal sleep.  
Eva shrugged, thinking about it. From what she learnt, sleeping wasn't a common thing among Cenobites. She was able to do it, but she wasn't sure whether it was a good or a bad thing.

And then someone opened the door of the dark room. She raised one non-existent eyebrow and glanced at the Cenobites who just came inside. What, they suddenly became famous and nobody told her?  
The two tall Cenobites looked around, without making a single sound. They were two females with latex outfits and their stomach held open by thin hooks to reveal their internal organs. Their eyes were stitched, weird symbols were carved in their skin, and they had wires coming out of their chin that made them look as if their huge lips were always smiling. The same wires came out of their forehead as hair.  
After a second of hesitation, they walked towards the desk of the fat Cenobite called Butterball.  
"My precious babies. Finally you're here." Butterball licked his lips, placing his hands on their hips and pulling them closer.  
The two Cenobites sat on his knees and playfully licked his face with their long, black tongues.

Eva closed her eyes, wondering if she really needed to know why those two had the guts (she shook her head at that non-intended pun) to lick Butterball's fat and sweaty face, and what they were going to do next.

Female's voice woke her up from her thoughts.  
"What is this indecency?" she asked.  
Butterball turned his head to look at her "Today these two little dolls started working for me. I even paid them, so let me have a bit of fun."  
"Maybe you forget what we're doing here. Tell them to go away."  
"Look, it's their first day of work. Even if I tell them to go away, time will pass. I paid for two hours, and they don't care if they're spending these two hours with me or not. It's not easy to control these sweeties."  
Female stood up and looked at Eva.  
"Call the Priest. I won't accept such a disgusting act in this place." not a single muscle moved on her face. It looked more like a mask.  
"But Pinhead said nobody had to disturb him...Sister Flagellum..." the young Cenobite raised her shoulders.  
"I think this is important enough to disturb him. Go, Eva."

Eva stood up and walked towards the corridor. She had no idea of what to say.  
She knocked at the black door, and Pinhead's elegant voice answered that he was busy.  
The young Cenobite took a deep breath and opened the door.  
"Pinhead? There's something you should see..." she stared at him with an embarrassed expression.  
"Eva, unless our lord Leviathan blessed you with a higher grade while I was away, you still have to call me Priest. And when I say something you have to obey. I'm sorry Sister Flagellum."  
She tried her best to hide it, but Eva was about to explode and open Pinhead's stomach with the surgical instruments hanging from her belt. She hated that silly discipline. Maybe the fact that being turned into a Cenobite didn't change her character wasn't a good thing.  
"I have to insist, Priest. The Priestess told me to call you, because she believed this deserved your attention."  
Pinhead stood up.  
"Eva, would you please explain me what you're talking about?"  
Eva walked in the office. If she still had human blood in her veins, probably her cheeks would've been deep red.  
"I'm sorry to disturb you, but...two...two girls arrived in the office, and...well, I don't really know how to explain it...Butterball...well, they started kissing him, and when the Priestess told him to stop, he said that the girls work for him...so..."  
Pinhead raised one non-existent eyebrow and slightly tilted his head. That was absurd, but definitely not surprising. It was Butterball, after all.  
"Sister Flagellum, I beg your pardon."  
He walked out of the office.  
Eva ran after him, don't knowing what to expect.  
"Look, I'm sorry, but he refused to stop, and..."  
He raised one hand to shut her. The situation was already weird enough.

In the other room, Female was sitting at her desk and was keeping her eyes closed and her arms crossed. Butterball and the twins kept kissing, ignoring her words.  
The only one who had a slightly "normal" behavior was the Cenobite called Chatterer. Here and there he slightly turned his head towards Female, but Eva couldn't tell if he was worried or not. His head had been brutally disfigured, and the only ways he could express his feelings were writing or chattering.  
"Butterball, this is not the right place for the Wire Twins. Here you have to respect order."  
The fat Cenobite stopped squeezing the breasts of one of the twins and opened his arms. From the sound of his voice, it was clear that Pinhead scared him a little more than Female.  
"Boss, I paid them..."  
"Butterball, when we're working and I say something, that becomes law. You have no soul to tear apart, but I know many ways to persuade you to obey."  
"Boss, it's not like someone is going to open the Box now..." a small drop of sweat appeared on his forehead.  
"I never mentioned the Box. Please, do what I ordered you before I decide that you're not worth my time."  
Butterball remained silent.  
Before anything could happen, Eva felt herself dragged away. It was like hooks started tearing her from inside and rebuilding her somewhere else. Everything around her was empty.

Then she found herself in a small room with a strong smell of cigarette, together with the other Cenobites. The "Wire Twins", as Pinhead called them, were with them, too. Ok, that was a surprise for everyone.  
In front of them there was a man. A puddle of blood was slowly growing under his body. Near him, another man with a knife in his hands.  
"You opened the Box. We came." Pinhead looked at him.  
"I...DON'T KILL ME!" the man shook his head, with his eyes wide open in shock.  
"We have such sights to show you..." Female had a dreaming expression, as if she was foretasting something really good.  
"I DIDN'T OPEN THAT FUCKING BOX!" the man cried "IT'S BEEN MY FRIEND! I...I...I killed him...BUT IT'S NOT ME! IT'S HIM!"  
A small smile appeared on Pinhead's face. He slowly raised one of his hands to point at the Box.  
"The solver of the puzzle has to come with us. His thirst for pleasure will be satisfied."  
"NO! I DON'T WANT!"  
Female grabbed one of her knives "We can't go back to Hell alone."  
"PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU!"  
A slight movement of Pinhead's head called the chains from the darkness. The man screamed when the hooks stopped, just an inch away from his face.  
"Open the Box." it was an order.  
"I...I can find someone else...who can open it for me..." he kept moving his look from a hook to another, as if they were snakes ready to bite him.  
Pinhead slightly tilted his head to the left.  
"I know that behind your words there's the hope to run away. You hope we can't find you, you hope to forget this..." he looked at the terrified man in front of him.  
"I'LL FIND SOMEONE ELSE!" he fell on the floor and crawled towards Pinhead's feet "Please...don't kill me..."  
"Forty-eight hours."  
The Cenobites looked at their leader, puzzled. He just made a deal with that man?  
"THANK YOU!" he hugged Pinhead's legs.  
"Stop touching me, you useless being." he neither looked at the man.  
Eva raised one non-existent eyebrow. That wasn't exactly what they told her. But if Pinhead said so, there HAD to be a reason...whatever it was.

When they walked out of the small apartment, she tried to ask him why he did it, but Female anticipated her.  
"Priest, I don't understand your decision..."  
"That man...he doesn't deserve to taste our pleasures. If he finds someone else, that's good for him. If he doesn't...these two days will increase his fear and his concern. His flesh will have a better taste."  
"But we'll remain on the Earth for two days. I don't know if we can find a place to hide..."  
"We will. And now, the time for work is over."  
"Pinhead?" Eva immediately called him with his true name. For her it was a way to regain a few power on him. She wasn't his girlfriend only to feel treated exactly like the last Cenobite in Hell, damn.  
Pinhead turned his head towards her.  
"We need to find some empty house." the young Cenobite shrugged "And maybe think about what we could do during these two days. We can't go out and get drunk, we can't go shopping...what are we supposed to do? Waiting isn't really my thing..."  
"It will be." Pinhead nodded once, without even looking at her.  
She snorted and rolled her eyes.

xx

**Notes: yes, you can hate Eva. Even if the story is told mostly from her POV, you are allowed to hate her. Why she's with Pinhead? We're still trying to understand it. She fell in love for him, even if he always despised her. After a while he decided that she was a new kind of flesh, that he never experienced, so he brought her in Hell. He doesn't really love her, but he won't get rid of her until he manages to understand entirely how she works.**


	2. Chapter 2

**First of all: I don't really like how most of this chapter turned out, but I needed it to introduce Chatterer's sweet problem. And I hate short chapters, soo...that's how it happened. XD  
Then a warning: The italic paragraphs, where I explain Eva's story, could be slightly M rated (but I don't know, actually. I mentioned a few Lollipop Dance between her and Pinhead in the second one) and a bit depressing. If you don't like that (because you ship Pinhead and someone else, or whatever reason you may have...), just skip them, they're not THAT relevant to the story.  
And another thing...correct my English. I don't have a beta-reader, and I should really find one...any volunteers?**

xx

"I'm bored." Eva snorted, glancing at Pinhead. She was cleaning her hooks, trying to pass time.  
They found an old apartment not too far from their victim's house. Judging from the dust and the smell, nobody used it in a long time.  
The other Cenobite didn't move. He looked like a statue.  
"How many hours until we can take that man?" she tried to scratch the dried blood on the longest hook, cursing the fact that her nails got all ripped away when she became a Cenobite. She tried to do it with a pair of small pliers, failing.  
"Asking it every five minutes won't make time pass faster."  
"I know." she stung her index finger with the hook to check how sharp it was "But if only we could do something else..." she brushed the finger on her dress to clean the drops of blood.  
Pinhead didn't reply. She sighed.  
"Like that stuff Butterball and the Twins are definitely doing in the other room, and they called "work meeting"." she tried to make it more clear, hoping to get a good response.  
"I think certain acts should remain private. Exploring our sensations is better when nobody can disturb us." _and he still didn't move a muscle.  
_"I know. But what else could I do? I want to go out, to look if there's some nice shop...and I can't do it!" she whined.  
"You can wait. Patience is a virtue, they say."  
"I don't think we're virtuous beings, Pinhead." she rolled her eyes.  
"I never said that." the Cenobite finally looked at his girlfriend.  
Eva collapsed on the table, as if she just fainted. He wanted her to be patient, but he wasn't making things easier.

_When she was still human, Eva was a literature student with a huge love for puzzles. Not ugly, not beautiful, average height, blond hair, brown eyes. __Apart from the fact that __her nose was a bit weird because she fell when she was a kid, nothing that could make her different from the rest of the girls at the university.  
__Everything started when a guy sold her the Box, explaining her that it wasn't a simple wooden cube, and that only a few people managed to open it. He was selling it because he couldn't understand how to make it work.  
__She bought it, feeling a weird shiver of fascination. Even if that story wasn't true, that thing still looked beautiful.  
__After a couple of days, she finally got it. The Box started playing a soft music.  
__Eva looked at it, puzzled. The Box was heavy, so it was full...and she already tried shaking it...there wasn't room for a carillon inside.  
__Anyway, the more she tried to open it, the more she thought she was going to get crazy. The music kept playing, but that thing was a cube. It was a damn cube, that couldn't do anything else. The only thing she didn't try was the golden circle on the other side.  
__She tried to push it, but all her efforts were useless.  
__But she was sure. THAT was the key. It was...  
__She moved her finger on it, making small clockwise circles.  
__And then she heard a small click. There. Maybe there was some mechanism that could feel the movement...she had to admit that it was a really good puzzle.  
__Eva looked again. Suddenly the cube seemed different. She was sure the four vertical sides weren't cut...  
__She looked around, feeling a bit uneasy. It was suddenly cold, even if it was August. How...  
__When she tried to open it following the cuts, some weird electricity shocked her, making her throw away the Box.  
__And then it happened.  
__The walls. The blue light. The...the wall in front of her was opening.  
__He was...tall. She couldn't think of anything else, apart from the fact that he looked like the priest of some weird cult. How was the word?  
__"You opened the Box."  
__She yelled.  
__"Who...who are you?"  
__"We. Angels to some, demons to others."  
__Hierophant. That was the word. Well, it fitted. And how the hell was she thinking about THAT, while there was a man with nails in his head in her room? She definitely needed to redefine her priorities.  
__"W-we?" she stuttered.  
__"Cenobites. Explorers in the further regions of experience. We worship the God of Hunger and Flesh. And flesh is the only thing we want."  
__She begged and tried to make him go away. But he didn't move. When he exclaimed "Enough!", she swore that she was going to find other people for him. She didn't want to follow him, she still had her whole life to live...  
__"What makes you think that their flesh could interest me more than yours? You're so young, so tender..." with the tip of his knife he traced a line on her neck. When did he get so close?  
__She didn't even know why or how, but she persuaded him.  
__The rest of the period she spent on the Earth was a blur. She remembered Pinhead killing someone, she remembered having nightmares with him. Feeling trapped, caged.  
__And then hoping that he would take her. Because she couldn't bear it anymore. She felt like people started avoiding her, as if they could see the monster she was. And maybe she was right.  
__When she asked him to make it stop, he reminded her of the pact, that was still far from fulfilled. She cried that she couldn't do it anymore, and she was ready to give him anything he wanted.  
__"You keep begging for different things, Eva. Maybe you should finish your current duty, before asking for something else."_

Eva glanced at him. How could someone be so cold? Even if now she was like him, she still couldn't understand.  
She stood up and started walking around in the house. Butterball and the Twins seemed silent. Well, that was good. She remained shocked when she heard all the noise that sweaty ball of fat could make...

_Between her and Pinhead things had been really different._  
_It happened when he started his job. He was piercing her belly with the hooks, and she didn't let out a single sound. Tears were falling from her eyes, but she felt like her throat had a plug that prevented her from making noise._  
_He kept staring at her. The only thing she said before he started had been "Don't hurt me, please..."._  
_That was something new. He couldn't feel anything coming from her body, even if he knew she was in pain._  
_Actually, Eva thought that was a good way to impress him, after that "don't hurt me" gaffe..._  
_The weirdest thing was that it worked only when she finally yelled. She exploded like a balloon full of air when a nail stings it._  
_Pinhead stared at her. Maybe in his eyes there was even a little bit of surprise._  
_"You have some fine flesh..." he whispered, while she kept sobbing._  
_"I wonder what else I can get from it..."_  
_That had been the beginning. And Eva had been unable to see it until it became clear in front of her eyes, in the form of a really good-looking (and really naked) Pinhead, who didn't care at all about removing the hooks from her body, or about the fact that the white of the sheets made an amazing contrast with the red of the blood._  
_Obviously, for the whole time he had fun, he didn't make any noise. For a second Eva wondered (and she mentally slapped herself for it. Priorities. There was some amazing exemplary of male Cenobite in bed with her...how come she was still able to think?) if he was really feeling something, or he was just studying her body._

She bit her lips. Another good thing about being a Cenobite was that her sensations were both stronger but...softer, at the same time. She could distinguish the sensation of every single nerve in her body, but even the worst pain became bearable. It became something she could examine.  
It felt like being a scientist in front of an experiment, but it was okay.

She was still walking around, when she noticed Chatterer sitting on the floor in a room (from the fustiness, probably a lumber-room), writing something on a piece of paper. Eva looked at him and smiled. He was in the dark, but he was still able to see. And he looked really concerned about it.  
"How you doing?" she shrugged and smiled.  
The Cenobite raised his head and stared at her for a second before looking back at the sheets and scribbling something in his childish handwriting. Then he gave it to Eva.  
"Wait, I need some light...I don't have your cat eyes." she turned towards the door and finally managed to read the note.  
"_Fine, thank you. I'm writing a letter._ A letter to?" she gave him back the paper.  
He looked away.  
"It's something you don't want me to know?" she asked.  
He shook his head.  
He looked like a child. Even if Female explained Eva that Chatterer WAS a kid when he opened the Box, she still didn't know how to deal with the situation. He was a shy boy in the body of a man, and that made him terribly cute (at least in Eva's opinion). And yes, Eva decided that she was going to treat him as a little brother.  
"I won't force you." she tried to say, but he was already writing frantically.  
When he finished, the sheet was full of mistakes and erased words.  
"Wow, that's long...let me see..._I'm trying to write a letter to Female, but I don't know what to tell her. I already tried telling her that_...okay, where should I look now?" she showed him the note, don't knowing what she had to read.  
Chatterer pointed at the words.  
"..._that I care a lot about her. I'm scared of her reaction, I don't want her to get mad. She's so beautiful, and she taught me everything. But I can't talk and I can't find the words._" Eva looked away for a second. She wondered why such a nice being got his vocal cords cut, while Butterball still had the gift of word.  
The male Cenobite tapped on the sheet with a gloved finger to draw her attention.  
"Sorry, sorry..._Maybe it's better if I don't tell her. She acts as a mother with me, and I don't want her to stop. You think I should keep writing the letter, or it's better if I stop?_" the girl blinked. The Oedipus Complex-meter in her head just exploded. Actually, Female just scolded him when he did something wrong...she looked more like a nun that made bad kids kneel on chickpeas in kindergarten...oh, well...de gustibus. And the problem was different.  
"No, you need to tell her. You need to tell her everything." she nodded.  
Chatterer looked at her and raised his hands to ask "how?".  
The young Cenobite remained thoughtful, until the epic (or so she thought...) idea popped in her mind.  
"We can organize a date!" she exclaimed. Chatterer shook his hands, trying to make her understand that he didn't want others to hear.  
She sat in front of him, on the floor, then she grabbed his arm and looked at him with a huge grin on her face.  
"Me, you, Pinhead and Female. We can go to some club where people dress up as comic and movie characters, so nobody will notice us. There will be worse stuff. We grab a beer, we chat...sorry...I mean...okay, who cares. Anyway, we have some fun and then me and Pinhead return here because I feel tired. You and Female remain alone...how does it sound?" she winked.  
Chatterer tilted his head to the side for a couple of seconds. Then he nodded.  
"Relax. You're in the hands of a genius, Chatty."


	3. Chapter 3

**Warning: Extremely silly chapter ahead. And it's slightly longer than the previous two. I hope you like it...  
Title, Friends style: The one with Butterball ruining the evening, and Pinhead being insensitive and sarcastic.  
**

xx

"Pinhead, we need to talk." Eva crossed her arms and stared at her boyfriend.  
The Cenobite turned his head and looked at her "About what?"  
"I think it's better if we discuss about it...somewhere else." she scratched her neck, slightly embarrassed. The rest of the team was in the room, and the last thing she wanted was having Butterball know about Chatterer's "problem". That creature had the sensitivity of a steamroller.  
"Is it important?"  
"Definitely YES." she nodded once.  
Pinhead stood up and followed her. She even went out of the apartment to be sure that there was no one listening. Then she sat on the stairs and finally spoke.  
"Pinhead, Chatterer is in love."  
The older Cenobite raised a non-existent eyebrow "And why you think this should interest me?"  
"Because that poor kid is in love for Female. And they'd be really nice together. So...even if Hell thinks that feelings are overrated, I don't. We need to organize a date to make them end together."  
Pinhead shrugged "And you really think it could work?"  
"Yes. Go out and call the Yellow Pages, they find everything. Find a club that organizes masked parties and book a table for four people. Then I'll tell you the rest of the plan." she nodded once, to stress that she wasn't going to listen to replies.  
"Pretty much, you've thought about everything."  
"Obviously. Now go and call."  
"Then where are the coins to use the phone?" he grinned.

Not only Pinhead managed to book a table in a club they could easily reach, but Female accepted, and Butterball (with his two "babies") disappeared an hour before they went out.  
Eva's expression was the human (or rather cenobitic) version of the Cheshire Cat. Nothing could go wrong on a night like that. Neither the guy who asked for a picture with them, "because those costumes looked so damn real", could bother them. Even if the club was the worst place on the Earth, she was going to ignore it and keep smiling.  
"That's the place." Pinhead pointed at the blue neon.  
"It's even a nice place..." Eva was impressed. The only way the night could get better was seeing Female and Chatterer kissing. But there was time for that. In the meanwhile, they could get some drinks.  
They walked inside. A waiter, dressed as Dracula, greeted them.  
"Welcome. Do you have a table?"  
"Yes. Four seats. The name's Cenobites." Pinhead glanced at his friends.  
"Okay, Mr. Cenobites. Let me check..." he typed the name on something that looked like a phone "Here you are. But...there's a mistake."  
Eva's smile dropped "What kind of mistake?" here. Perfection? NEVER!  
"It says that the table is for seven people, not four."  
Even Pinhead was surprised "I booked a table for four people."  
"I don't know...if you give me a second, I'll see what I can do." the guy shrugged and left.  
Eva was glaring at her boyfriend. In her mind, she was depicting all the best ways to murder him. From "let's make him an omelette with poisonous mushrooms, even if we don't need food" to "impale him, and then draw obscenities on his body". No way the club receptionist got that wrong. Definitely Pinhead didn't understand a thing and decided to invite Butterball and the Twins. But then why he didn't ask for seven seats when they arrived?  
"You only had to do ONE thing. And you did it wrong." anyway, she needed to get mad and to get an explanation. And the second thing was in progress.  
"I booked a table with four seats. You want me to repeat it...in a different language?" he touched one of his knives.  
"You can do whatever you want. But there's still a table for seven people." she crossed her arms and snorted.  
The waiter came back. With him there was another guy.  
"He's the one who got your call. He says that you called again and apologized, but you needed three more seats."  
"I only called once. Are you sure they said "Cenobites"?" Pinhead tried to hold back the urge to slay everyone in sight.  
"Yes, they did. I'm sorry, but we can't get you another table..." the receptionist apologized.  
"Okay, It doesn't matter." Eva interrupted them "Let's go and take our seats. We don't want to spend the night wondering why there are seven seats instead of four..." she understood that Chatterer was feeling uneasy, and all she wanted right now was seeing him happy. And who cared if the table was too big.  
"This way, then." the waiter brought them in a bigger room full of masked people.  
Actually, a terrible thought appeared in Eva's mind, but she tried to send it back in the "impossible" category of her brain.

"It was about time!" that raspy, fat, terrible voice.  
Yes, she was right.  
Butterball was sitting at their table, with the Twins on his sides.  
"I thought you got lost! Come here, guys...there are a ton of nice babes in this club, and you forgot to invite me! But good old Butterball heard you and fixed it. I even brought both my sweet candies, so even you can get some, Chatterer..."  
The four Cenobites just stared at him.  
Female grabbed two of her knives and started rubbing them together, without moving a muscle on her face.  
"Such a nice way to start the night." Eva smiled sarcastically. The cherry on the cake was "Sexy And I Know It" playing in the background. A flash of Butterball dancing to that song, with leopard print pants, made her wonder if she could ask Pinhead to perform a lobotomy on her brain, so that her mind became finally unable to imagine that kind of stuff.  
They sat around the table. Unluckily, Chatterer ended near one of the Twins.  
"Look here, Chatterer. It's all true flesh." Butterball patted a hand on the Twin's breasts. And she didn't look bothered by that, since she started moving her tongue towards the chattering Cenobite.  
On the other side, Chatterer suddenly felt the urge to run away. He started nervously looking around.  
"Listen to me, buddy, don't think about butterflies. Do I have to add what she can do with that beautiful tongue? If you think about the service, it's not that expensive." the fat Cenobite nodded and lowered his sunglasses to stare at his friend with his stitched eyes.  
The table trembled for a second. Eva coughed when she saw that Female, with her usual calm face, jabbed her favorite knife in it.  
"How about we get the drinks?" she stood up and tried to smile at Pinhead, but what came out was an awkward grin.  
"This could be the first good idea of the day." he whispered in her ear.  
"Nothing for me or the Twins, boss, we already ordered." Butterball looked at the couple.

After getting all the orders, Eva and Pinhead walked towards the bar. She was muttering curses to "that biped pig" and "those two faceless hens", and they were so creative that Pinhead almost laughed.  
"Anyway, that's not how I wanted things to go...he keeps talking to Chatterer, and Female is just there, silent. CHATTERER SHOULD BE TALKING WITH FEMALE NOW." she clenched her fists.  
"I told you that the idea was...pretty stupid." Pinhead glanced at her.  
No. She wasn't going to accept it.  
"Look, the idea was amazing. It's not my fault if Butterball heard us and decided to invite himself and his harem."  
He shook his head "I never said that. I only think that they needed their time. You wanted to rush things..."  
"But that's the last night we spend on the Earth..."  
"Eva, we're not humans. And our feelings are different, too." he shook his head.  
She snorted and started drumming her fingers on the bar "Well, at least I can get drunk."  
"No, we can't."  
She rolled her eyes and stared at her boyfriend "Please...tell me you're kidding. God, I'm starting to think that being a Cenobite is good only because I don't have to wash my hair or shave my legs."  
For a moment, Pinhead's indifference fell and he fatherly patted a hand on Eva's shoulder. But it was just a second.  
Finally one of the barmen noticed them and asked them what they wanted.  
"We need a Piña Colada, Absinthe, and orange juice at the table 6. With a strand." she counted on her fingers.  
"And a Classic Caesar. And please, don't forget the Worcestershire." a slight smile appeared on Pinhead's face.  
Suddenly Eva thought that both her eyes and ears were hallucinating. _He smiled while talking about that? _"Since when you're a cocktail connoisseur?"  
"It's a long story...anyway, my favorite would be Manhattan...if only there wasn't a cherry..."  
The girl was still slightly surprised. She never thought he would love something so...normal.  
"Here's the juice. I think I know who's the driver tonight..." the barman laughed and gave them the bottle "Anyway, I'll send the cocktails to your table. You'll get them in a few minutes."  
"So we have nothing else to do here..."  
"Man, can I ask you something, before? How did you glue the nails to your face?" the barman pointed at Pinhead "It's cool..."  
Eva knew he would react, even if his face remained calm. And he did it. She stretched out the arm and managed to stop the chain before it reached the man's face. Warm blood started dripping on her wrist as she turned to glare at her boyfriend.  
"Please. We don't need to end the night in a police station." she opened her hand and the chain fell on the floor.  
They returned at the table. The situation was still the same, with Butterball blabbering and giving the occasional squeeze to the Twins, and Female with her arms crossed, completely impassive. Chatterer was probably praying to get struck by lightning.  
"The drinks will be here soon." Eva sat again near Female and smiled, trying to get her to say something. Hell, she only pronounced three words in the whole night, when she asked for the Absinthe "Something happened while we were away?"  
Female shook her head.  
"Well, definitely something happened to us." she showed the bleeding wound on her hand "And sorry, here's Chatterer's bottle."  
Chatterer shyly grabbed the bottle, staring at Female. She was sitting between him and Eva, and she glanced at him for a second.  
"You need me to open it for you?" _she talked. SHE FINALLY TALKED!_  
He shook his head, showing one of his hooks.  
A waiter arrived at the table, with two glasses and a plate with something that looked like a...  
"Who ordered the double cheeseburger with double meat, double fried bacon and fried onions, extra mayo and no lettuce?" he read.  
Both Eva and Female immediately pointed at Butterball, disgusted.  
"Okay. Now...two Cleopatra's Kiss and a Mudslide Martini."  
Eva leaned over to Pinhead and whispered "Explain me why I'm the only peasant who ordered a normal cocktail."  
"Maybe because they read the menu and you didn't." _right.  
_The munching noise made all of them turn. And even Pinhead's stomach protested when they saw Butterball take pieces of the cheeseburger and soak them in his drink before eating them.

After a while the table became silent. Even Butterball was no longer trying to convince Chatterer to get one of the Twins for a couple of hours.  
Eva was desperately thinking about a way to leave the (not yet) couple alone, but most of them involved getting rid of the fat Cenobite who just decided that a red-haired Rihanna singing "S&M" deserved his attention.  
"Hell, if she worked for me I could even retire now..." he laughed.  
One of the Twins slapped him so hard on the nape that he slammed his face against the table.  
Pinhead closed his eyes and shook his head.  
"Sweet muffin, I'm sorry." he adjusted the sunglasses on his bleeding nose and caressed the Twin's face "I never meant to offend you, the most beautiful girls in the universe..."  
Both the Twins put their hands in front of him.  
"But right now I don't have money!" he whimpered.

Eva decided that she had enough of that indecent show. She poked Pinhead with the elbow, trying to make him understand that she wanted to save Chatterer and Female from that situation. He had to find a way to cut it short.  
The Lead Cenobite nodded and coughed to draw everyone's attention, then he spoke, with his best solemn tone.  
"So. This evening has been definitely enjoyable, but there's something I need to tell to my dear friend Female, the High Priestess. Female, tonight you'll mate with Chatterer. Such is his desire."  
Eva was trying to finish her drink, but she almost choked on it when she heard that. Female's eyes became as big as golf balls, and Chatterer just tried to disappear under the table.  
"Pinhead..." the younger girl started, still coughing.  
Butterball interrupted her "I didn't know you liked nuns, Chatty-boy. But I'm pretty sure that my sweeties can do more stuff than her. No offense, Fem, I'm just noting a fact...a nun doesn't have much experience of real life..."  
Everyone expected a reaction from her. Instead, Female just stood up and walked out.  
"I told you the night had started badly...WHAT WAS THAT? EXPLAIN ME!" Eva finally exploded.  
"I told her what Chatterer wanted." Pinhead shrugged and grabbed his glass to finish his drink.  
She snatched the glass from his hands and emptied it against him, before smashing it on his head. She bent a couple of nails and some blood started coming out from the cuts, but his expression looked like nothing happened.  
"You always make things so complicated, Eva. Order is so simple..." he opened his arms and sighed.  
No. That was too much. She had to bear worse things, but she refused to get scolded because she valued feelings more than Pinhead's beloved ORDER. She needed a way to punish him. In the meanwhile, a good idea was going out and reach Female. Well, if they were still humans, they could rant about men being assholes, but as Cenobites...damn. Butterball was the only one who talked, and he said random crap seventy percent of the times he opened his mouth (and the remaining thirty percent represented the times he opened it to eat).  
Anyway, out. The night at the club failed, and it needed to end immediately.

Butterball looked at Chatterer and Pinhead.  
"Are you sure you don't want my two cherry bombs? I'll ask them if they can make a discount on the price. You know, I'm pretty sure tonight your ladies won't be in the right mood for some fun..."  
Chatterer took a knife out of nowhere and started thinking if cutting his troath was a good idea for a suicide. Then he remembered that a Cenobite couldn't get killed using simple weapons like that, so he threw it away, even more depressed.

Almost immediately after, Pinhead and Chatterer reached the two girls out of the club, and the four started heading "home".  
"I had to guess it. When I saw Butterball I had to guess it. That dirty swine should care about those two...THINGS, instead of ruining other people's lives. And obviously Mr. Savoir-Faire didn't make things better." Eva glared at Pinhead, then she turned back to Chatterer "Look, Chatty, I'm really sorry. I thought we could spend a nice evening together, and...I'm sorry. And I could say the same to you, Fem...I've been a stupid."  
"No..." whispered Female. Well, at least she said something. Even if Eva still didn't know if it was good or bad.  
The noise of Chatterer's teeth made them stop. He pointed at the entrance of an unfinished and abandoned building, then at himself, then back at the building.  
"You wish to remain here?" Pinhead asked.  
Chatterer nodded.  
"We will meet in the morning, then. We have a mission to complete."  
He nodded again.

After he disappeared, Eva started again.  
"Fem, I didn't know he'd say that. But I'm pretty sure he's sorry. RIGHT, PINHEAD?" she kicked his ankle.  
"I needed to talk to you privately, Female. I'm deeply sorry for letting others know about the situation..." he apologized.  
"No, seriously." the girl nodded "Fem..."  
They both turned at the same time.  
But Female was not there.  
"What...where is she?" Eva looked around.  
"I think I could have an idea." Pinhead smiled.  
"No, it can't be. We're not stupid, we would've noticed it..." she shook her head.  
"You want to see it by yourself? I have known Female for a long time, I'm sure of my statement." he nodded.  
Eva crossed her arms "Ok."  
They went back. The girl kept muttering "Absurd", until they entered in the building and started hearing Female's voice.  
When they found the room, the scene they saw shocked the girl.  
Chatterer, naked, was suspended in the air by several chains. Female was naked, too, and had a whip with hooks in her hand. When she whipped him and the hooks ripped his skin, he threw his head back, clicking his teeth.  
And he looked like he was enjoying it.  
Eva ran out, embarrassed. Well, that was more than enough...  
"What did I tell you?" Pinhead was behind her, grinning.  
"Well. I never thought I was going to see them...like that!" she closed her eyes, blushing.  
"Then we can go back home."  
"Definitely." she sighed "And...look, I'm sorry for all the stuff I said."

Later that night, one thought still kept Eva's brain busy.  
Who the hell paid for the drinks?

xx

**EDIT: DAHH, I FORGOT. Google the cocktails I choose for them, if you don't know them. I tried to use drinks that could fit them...**


End file.
